John Gray is the author of ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’… This is the reason that we love to use another – either a man or a woman – as a sounding board, so that we can work out for ourselves what to do, once we feel understood. 

The challenge for both men and women is that he often does not realise this – because men are programmed to find solutions to problems! Otherwise – from his point of view – why would you want him to listen to your problem in the first place if you don’t want his advice?  Of course, the fact that you have probably thought of that solution but dismissed it, only makes things worse for both of you!  You wish he would just listen and not interrupt you, and he feels resentment that you don’t want his advice!

So WHY is it so important for a woman to feel understood?  Have you ever asked yourself that question?

I have – and three things came up for me – but you may be very different?  The first is that when I hear myself speaking about the problem it helps me to work out what to do because I can hear myself exploring different options – in order to come to a decision or direction…

And the second reason?  Because then I feel VALIDATED – when I feel that I am understood, then it helps me to realise that it’s OK to feel like this – I am not crazy or weird….

And the third reason is because I feel that someone else understands, or has had a similar experience, which means that I am no longer on my own – someone else understands and empathises…

This is actually the reason why many women seem to always want the ‘last word’… it’s not necessarily a power thing (when you start arguing not about the original problem, but tacitly who has the power in the relationship) – no, my better angels used to kick in and keep me talking about something because I still did NOT at that point, feel HEARD – because I did not FEEL as though he understood…

And that itself was a revelation!  Instead of just ‘harping on’ about something, I know now I can simply say – “sorry sweetheart but I still don’t feel understood at this point, because I don’t think you are really hearing what’s bothering me”… But if we’ve both had enough at that point, we can agree to come back and pick it up again…

Does this MAKE SENSE my wonderful female friends?

But back to the situation where you just want to talk only?  All you need to do is tell him he can relax – you are NOT wanting any advice or solution from him – you just want him to be a sounding board so you can work it out for yourself!


Let’s face it lovelies, we women need to be seen, heard & understood – Right?


AS A WOMAN YOU WANT TO BE HEARD – RIGHT? Why? Is this a silly question??


Ever felt like this?! 

I don’t know about you, but I know that I need to be heard personally because I want to be understood, and therefore accepted/ validated/ loved.  That includes my opinion and my feelings – whatever these are…

And I need to be heard professionally because my livelihood depends on this!

Which are your favourite ways of being heard?  (Please tick)

  • Chat with a girlfriend – over coffee/ on the phone
  • Talk to your partner
  • Discuss with your family
  • Share in a face-to-face group
  • Talk to the Universe/ Pray
  • Comment on Facebook and open up about a problem
  • Write a text, message, or email to someone
  • Write a blog
  • Write a chapter in a shared book – or write your own book
  • Other?

In discussions with my late beloved husband, I used to reflect on what was happening and in my more insightful moments realised that occasionally the issue morphed into who had the power?  Because sometimes it was basically not really about the issue anymore, but who was getting the power, the control?  

Sometimes in frustration, he would tell me: you always need to have the last word, don’t you?  Have any of you had this ‘accusation’ thrown at you?  And yes, I’ll ‘fess up – this was often the case – and he saw this as part of that power play, even if unconsciously…and I’m sure that it probably was!

Since that time, however, I’ve discovered something even more basic for us as women…. and that’s the need to be UNDERSTOOD.  So finally it dawned on me – getting the last word in was because I still did not feel understood, therefore I had to keep ‘cherry picking’ away until I felt I was understood…. Of course, if he walked out of the discussion it was all over red rover until the next time – especially if it hadn’t really been resolved.  And yes, I’ll also ‘fess up that it took me years to realise my behaviour was passive-aggressive because I’d never been role modelled how to deal with conflict and had no idea how to do this – keep the peace at all costs!  But that often meant lingering resentment.  Hence the need to have the last word so I finally felt heard and understood!

I just wished I had known about this when I had the joy of his presence…. I urge you therefore lovely to really consider this aspect of communication – our need as women to be HEARD, so we can be UNDERSTOOD… and see how this is playing out in your own life and communication?

And if on reflection you realise that this seems to apply to you – this business about having the last word – then you can now choose to do something about this and share with the person with whom this happens your frustration, and the insights that might be possible for both of you to open up and have a deeper relationship?

And remember the same can apply to family members – your mum, sister, daughter, bestie?

Yes – please be seen, heard, and understood – but in the healthiest way possible!

Continue Reading AS A WOMAN YOU WANT TO BE HEARD – RIGHT? Why? Is this a silly question??


Extroverted?  Then you probably love the limelight… unless you are having a ‘bad hair day’?

But what if you are an Introvert?  Do you feel like shrivelling up when all eyes are on you? Have you had to train yourself to focus on something, or grip something in your hands? The limelight can feel extremely uncomfortable but you know it’s so necessary, or you will never get or keep a client or customer!

But you may possible be an Ambivert (some characteristics of the other)?

I’ve had some friends decide they don’t need to be upfront – their products will speak for them!  And yes, they can!  But you are more than products on a shelf in your garage – because you know you need to communicate what these can DO for your customer?

You know you need to establish rapport to get anywhere – right?

And if you have a service, you definitely need to become engaged with your possible clients?  So how do you get this confidence to be upfront?  I invite you to tick off below those you do regularly – or tick but with a question mark on those you do occasionally only, or just sporadically?


Get to the gym and work on yourself to lose weight and tone?                                    Me:       Tick

Have regular massages to release tight muscles and help you to relax more?

Start detoxing from crap foods, and start eating more fruits & veg?

Drink more water?                                                                                                                        Tick

All valuable, but how consistent are we in keeping up this regime?


Do you prepare yourself with affirmations?

Have you done up a fabulous vision board?

Do you do mirror work?

Have you videotaped yourself to see how you come across?                                                       Tick

YES!  These all help a great deal, if done regularly and not just sporadically!


Do you meditate regularly??                                                                                                       ? Tick

Do you pray and believe?                                                                                                              Tick

Do you read spiritual texts or books?

All admirable! But how often, lovelies?

As you can see, I’m pushing to tick even half of these!

This blog however is not designed to make you, me or any of us feel guilty my friends!  I just wanted to put all this in context…. Because I have learned of another concept that made so much sense to me that I felt I had to pass this on to you…. the real reason/s why we sometimes don’t step up into the LIMELIGHT & therefore our power?

Yes, I KNOW it’s scary, even for an extrovert like me!  Because I fear rejection…. But I discovered it was more than this!  Around 3 years ago I realized the REAL reason I wasn’t stepping up was because I not only was afraid of rejection – but I feared that when I did go ALL OUT, I would find I was only MEDIOCRE!  That I really didn’t have the expertise, the confidence, the charisma, and as a result would come across only as mediocre.  And if that happened – what else could I do?  I only wanted to work with the feminine, and if this was rejected I had nowhere else to go!  And that would be the finish of my business!!  Shock, horror!

But this was all completely unconscious initially on my part – until I was introduced to this concept of a SAFE PROBLEM!

A safe problem is something that we can cope with – sometimes quite familiar – which comes up again and STOPS or SABOTAGES us from really stepping up into our power!  So because I had no concept of this unconscious sense of mediocrity, there always seemed to be another reason –

  • I didn’t have enough knowledge yet (NOT ENOUGHNESS – sound familiar)?
  • That meant I had to do yet another course, or read another book, to get it right first! Then I’d have that confidence to step up
  • But I didn’t have enough in my financial bucket to do such a course!
  • So instead I would do something ‘less than’ I was really capable of, which some women would respond to, so the rejection would not debilitate me – and I would never need to find out that I was actually mediocre in the long run…..

Can you see how SUBTLE this all is?

So understanding the concept of creating a safe problem to sabotage ourselves unconsciously from really stepping up, keeps us small….

And if we continue to have these ‘safe problems’ constantly develop, no number of affirmations, vision boards or even losing weight is going to help us to grow…

It may sound somewhat CONTROVERSIAL but this concept of a ‘safe problem’ I found extremely helpful!  Because then I discovered it wasn’t that I needed to know more, or do yet another course, it was to confront my sense of being mediocre….. that gave me the REAL reason for the sabotage!

I invite you therefore to consider if you yourself might be creating safe problems that you can cope with – they are usually not life-threatening – but that is doing an incredible job at stopping you from stepping up into the limelight – and into your power?  Regardless of whether you are an extrovert or an introvert – or anything in between?

If you want to chat about this, just email me through my website, or call 0403336104.

Beverley Rilatt-Richardson

Continue Reading INTROVERT? EXTROVERT? AMBIVERT? – SOMEWHERE INBETWEEN? WHAT STOPS US from stepping up into the Limelight?


You want to be seen and heard with your passion, your business?  You can’t wait to make a difference in this world?

And you definitely need to be really seen and heard by your partner – which regrettably doesn’t always happen? In fact he may keep telling you that you always need to have the last word!  Is that a familiar conversation??  It was for me for many years, until I was ‘captured by the feminine’ as mentioned in my last blog (Everything old is New Again) – and realized why!

And if you’re in midlife, considering looking for love again, you definitely need to be both seen and heard, in order then to be hopefully understood!

So what’s going on?  Why do I sometimes feel ambivalent about being out there?  Yes – even me at times if I’m not feeling well, or that I don’t have my act together that day?!  Many women can not only relate to this, but also feel in two minds about having other people’s attention on them!   And yet they still KNOW that they need to be out there…..

For many women this is so familiar – ambivalence about having the attention on them… I do – but then again sometimes I don’t want this!

So how do we deal with this?  Push ahead – feel the fear and do it anyway?  YES, if that works for you, at least initially?  But will you come to dread those times you need to push?  Only you can answer that one… Can we compromise?  Yes of course – but we may then be seen as being inconsistent – mmmm… what to do?

Would becoming aware of these feelings help?  Yes, undoubtedly, because becoming conscious of something is half the battle to dealing with it!  So next time you find yourself procrastinating about doing something – speaking to someone/ doing a FB live/ putting out a post inviting others to respond to a particular topic/ going out to a mixed event with a girlfriend or (put in your particular topic you procrastinate about), simply ask yourself if it’s this ambivalence rearing its ugly head?  Or do you at heart not feel you know enough about this topic?  That was one of mine!  But then again, even though we may tell ourselves this, then psychologically it might not actually be the real reason – which unconsciously could simply be that we do NOT want the attention on ourselves!  If this is not even recognized as such, then our minds will come up with some other excuse.  Of course it might be both! Because if I really don’t feel I know enough, and I’m trying to ‘fake it till I make it’, that’s even one more reason I don’t need the attention on me! It’s really a bit of a sledge-hammer….

OK – you recognize this is what may be happening for you?  So what can you do about this?  What do you normally do?  Are there strategies you already use to help you to make it through?  For those who may be following this and recognizing this ambivalence, there is somewhere you can start, very simply.  But remember it’s only a start, a beginning, with a longer journey ahead…. However I’ll be blogging about this, and other related topics each week, so strap yourself in and enjoy the ride!  😊

  • The first step is to recognize if you have this ambivalence? If you’ve ticked this then congrats, at least you are now aware which is a great start!
  • Secondly, part of addressing this ambivalence is to feel more confident – make sense? And one of the easiest ways is to simply get grounded.  Once you feel grounded, it simply feels easier to tackle things.  Your head is not looping around with all these negative thoughts of insecurity or ‘not enoughness’, or ‘but what if x or y’ happened?
  • Thirdly this helps us to realise another gigantic insight – just because something happened in the past, it does NOT need to happen in the future – it is NOT a self-fulfilling prophecy! It is only as we remember the facts of what happened in the past, plus the feelings and emotions related to these facts, that we can then so easily project these into the future – oh I know what’s going to happen if I try to do that – looked what happened before!  If we can reject that concept as being simply a way to sabotage ourselves, then we can stand up to any of these thoughts and feelings arising, especially if they seem to do so automatically…
  • And fourthly, we can reimagine the future! If we reject that something is going to happen automatically, then we open ourselves to reimagining how it could be in the future, if we could have any outcome we wanted?
  • OK – convinced? Then let’s get grounded!
  • Stand with your feet shoulder width apart, knees NOT locked. Feel the weight in your legs and feet – OK.  Simply become aware of this.
  • Place your thumbs over your belly button, and hands together on your body, which will automatically form a heart over your ‘power centre’ – which for a woman is her uterus.
  • Then place your attention on that space within your body, and towards the back, and simply rest your attention there.
  • Then become conscious again of your legs and feet – do they feel heavy and connected to the floor or if you are outdoors, to the ground? Fabulous!
  • You are now grounded. Keep your attention there in your ‘power centre’ towards the back of you body for as long as you can…. And then consider the challenge you have to get out there, or whatever action you have had ambivalence about in the past?  You will be amazed at how having the attention on you no longer feels such a burden!

May you enjoy being grounded, which you can do as often as you find this helpful?



In this new year of 2022, everything still seems somewhat new, right? We’re not even into February yet!

So what has my work as the Feminine Guru got to do with the ongoing newness of this new year, which is still yet to unfold?

I pondered this my friends, as I thought about what to write? Are there new trends for example in my industry?  New ways of being ‘feminine’?  In answer I can only say I’m sure there are – as we are all individuals with our own personal ways of expressing ourselves!  As an example I may consider certain colours as being more feminine – but they may do absolutely NOTHING for you!

OK – is there a way therefore of going deeper than this?  Let’s put the play button on pause for a moment and ask: what is the feminine about anyway?  Good place to start?  I used to think it meant wearing pink and being able to wear dangly earrings! LOL That’s if I ever thought about it at all, quite frankly.  The way I expressed myself even 12 years ago was ‘oh yes, and apart from my skills and interests, I happen to be a woman’, as though this were an afterthought!  In fact I can joke now that I honestly thought ‘Feminine Essence’ was a new brand of perfume I hadn’t heard of yet!

So what insights have I discovered that have had a profound impact not only on me but on many other women?  Quite literally that everything old is new again, when we discover for ourselves that this feminine connection is very real in the now! In other words, these may be concepts that were known by women thousands of years ago (which in times past were sometimes referred to as feminine wiles) – or more derogatory comments like ‘she devil’.  Witness what happened to women who like many of us today loved herbs and found their healing properties?  Women like us were burned at the stake in certain cultures through sheer ignorance!

Thank God we’ve become more enlightened and moved on from this!  In fact in many ways discovery of our inner feminine leads to enlightenment, literally.  A sense of worth as a woman who is connected to her heart and spirit/ to Mother Earth/ to the sensuality of her body/ and the enlightenment of her mind!  A far cry from pink and dangly earrings!

OK what does this mean for us now, in Jan 2022?  Last year I rediscovered the power of the embodiment practices I learned to teach way back in 2011, after being ‘captivated’ myself by the feminine and sensual woman within me who had been suppressed for 50 years– who came out in no uncertain terms at a Heart Intelligence Experiential Retreat in the UK when I felt compelled by some unknown force within me to dance sensually in front of a group of men at the retreat, with the women giving me moral support!  Yes, I was shocked too, but it also felt so right at the time – and this widow discovered she could still become that feminine, sensual even erotic woman at age 67 – that she hadn’t missed out and it was never too late!

OK – back to last year when a group of the women from my Divine Feminine Empowerment Circle took up my offer to teach them how to reconnect to the feminine woman within them, and just why?  And without exception each of them had breakthroughs in one way or the other about how they saw themselves, what they were capable of, how they could even tap more deeply into their emotional core…. and gave me a renewed respect for the power of this work.

As a result this year I am in the process of developing an online course which will sit on my website and will enable women in midlife, if they feel called, to learn how to become more Confident, Feminine and Sexier, to feel more self esteem and self respect, and develop more delicious relationships!  It truly can be said ‘as within, so without’… in other words, if a woman starts feeling more of that inner feminine and sensual self in her heart and body, she will start to show this in her outer life and world….

In addition, I want to conduct a course about reconnecting with our inner feminine hearts and bodies that this time will be online, over a 6 week period. I recognize that this is such a short time for such a profound outcome, however it will be a great start!  And for those who want to continue in a more personal way, I will be once again undertaking feminine mentoring sessions over zoom…

When it comes to the Feminine – our feminine as well as our masculine energies – everything old (since the beginning of time) becomes new again when we reconnect with that beautiful woman within.

The Feminine is Timeless…

Praise for the Feminine!


Feel like getting away from it all?

Who doesn’t from time to time to simply STOP and reflect? We do know in our hearts that ongoing GRATITUDE is often a wonderful catalyst to help prevent those ‘blahs’ or the extreme stress that propels us to want to get away from it all! But how do we get to this ‘attitude of gratitude’? During March we will be focusing on this concept – especially as 1st March is World Compliment Day!

In our heads we can see the logic of being grateful for what we have, even while we give thanks for what we want to manifest? But what about our hearts – our feelings and emotions? Do you ever get tired and fedup that your dreams seem to be taking so long to come to you? Do you wonder if something has hijacked them enroute? I used to! And if I really examined this, I could see my own doubts, fears and insecurities getting in the way and blocking what I believed would come to me. Can you resonate? I knew it had something to do with not feeling worthy enough but this challenge seemed so enormous to overcome, that to compensate, I’d double my efforts instead and try twice as hard! I reasoned that if I achieved more, it was bound to happen……

Been there, done that? In my own case, regrettably not so. I’d get a few wins but the inconsistency of slow, slow, fast, fast was almost like a bit of a manic dance that left me feeling busy, busy – but not achieving anything much, or only small wins. Am I speaking your language? So yes, I often felt like getting away from it all….with time to regroup.

Well I have good news and good news! In late April, we will be providing you with the chance to get away from it all at beautiful Tranquil Park, a gorgeous Retreat Centre with stunning views of the Glasshouse Mountains… The good news is that you can accept the invitation that will be forthcoming in this next week to have time to stop, reflect and take stock – because we will be focusing on how to achieve this balance? What makes us run around like the proverbial chooks trying to achieve, when if we took time to understand, we could draw opportunities and people to us instead with what I term magnetic feminine energy? How do we live our lives with the kind of balance that enables us to use our masculine energies to drive forward the goals on our vision board, but at the same time step back enough to draw towards us those things we need, rather than needing to pursue them ‘helter skelter’?

And the second piece of good news is that once a woman reconnects to that feminine and sensual woman within, her life can change in amazing ways! Because she will be reconnecting to that softer side of her nature, to her heart which in turn can help her to have the courage to look at ‘heart hurt’ from previous relationships, even abuse or neglect… This is why our Retreat is being called Unleash the Feminine Power Within.

And simply send me a FB friend request – and/or message me on FB asking for details.

Continue Reading Feel like getting away from it all?


We’re probably all familiar with the 5 Love Languages?  Do you know yours?  Do you love doing little things for others (esp as a mum)?  Or giving your loved ones little surprises?  One of the delights of life, is it not?

Do you live with a partner or friends who’s love language is giving gifts? What about acts of service?  Many men fall into this category!  But for them to feel like the gift or service has been accepted with grace – you have to accept or receive this!


Today is World Compliment Day!  So look out for those compliments, lovelies!  Is that laughter ‘I hear?! 😊  Yes – I really do understand because many women find the idea of others giving them compliments almost distasteful – but why?  Is it something to do with our fear of being consider ‘up ourselves’, or being a ‘tall poppy’?  Do we feel it’s feeding our ego?  That begs the question – did your parents praise you?  My mum did a great deal – for which I’m forever grateful but dad?  His highest form of praise was ‘there’s nothin’ wrong with that’!  However I can also remember being told not to be a ‘showoff’ if mum found me preening myself in the mirror, even as a child!

You see, many women feel ambivalent about being in the spotlight – we crave attention deep down, but when it’s given and we feel eyes upon us, we can get embarrassed or uncomfortable about that attention!  Yes, we are complex at times, my friends! But back to compliments – do you deflect this because you feel it’s not deserved?  Oh this top? OMG I just got it at the op shop darling!  Or do you find yourself madly trying to think of something you can say back to that person to compliment them in some way for what they’ve given you in exchange – and find yourself floundering?

Here’s a quick tip!  Next time someone says something nice to you about your work, your appearance etc – simply smile, put your hand on your heart and say ‘thanks – that’s a nice thing to say – or that makes me feel special’! That works a treat for me every time, but naturally you may have to put your own take on this – but basically it’s to simply thank someone for the ‘gift’ they’ve given so they feel it has been received…..

And this brings up a vitally IMPORTANT thing I learned around 40 years ago – it’s a kind of truism, but in actual fact is VERY REAL – YOU HAVE WHAT YOU ACCEPT!  A friend could be offering you something – from a compliment to a gift to a great offer – but it is NOT yours until you accept it!  You actually have to receive this into your hands, your heart, your life and make it yours, or it just stays with that person.

So what’s this got to do with the first day of the month?  As this is about World Compliment Day I thought it would be fun to focus on ACCEPTANCE and GRATITUDE for what we can truly accept into our lives! So is there something you feel you’d like to accept this month?  Something coming up for you that you hope will ‘land’?  Or are you simply deciding to stay open to what Life may offer you this month?  I find myself in both camps – I am thanking the Universe for a project coming successfully to completion before it actually happens/ and I want to remain open for other unexpected ‘delights’ coming my way this month!

And to encourage us all lovelies – remember, the nature of feminine energy is to be magnetic! Yes, we still have to plan and put things into action – but then we can step into our feminine, once the work is completed, and release it – let it go, so the universe can do its magic and start attracting this into our lives!


THE FEMININE FOCUS: What Difference does the Feminine Make

A great question!  As your life unfolds this year, have you yet planned out your vision board of your goals and dreams, or plans for your business?  Will you be changing jobs/ starting a business/ going back to Uni/ getting healthy/ getting married/ buying a home/ starting a family/ separating/ travelling around Aust/ learning a new hobby?

Or is it more survival my friends?  Getting by on a Govt payout/ living off your super/ looking for that well paid position/ getting that degree/ caring for an ageing relative?

Whatever your plans are for 2021, what difference can embracing the feminine make?

For many – this is zero – if you  think this means getting a better make of high heels, or a fancier hairstyle!  So what exactly is the feminine, and what difference can embracing this more feminine side of your nature make?

We all know men and women, male and female, and the derivative of masculine and feminine. But what exactly is the difference?  I can’t speak for the male – although I’m learning more as life develops! 😊 However I can speak for the female of the species because I am her, I have lived a number of years on this planet, I have studied the feminine, and have had the privilege of teaching many women about the power of the feminine!

It was a revelation to me to discover – only 10 years ago – that although I identified as a woman (because I’d been through menopause and had the body of a woman – and looked and sounded like a woman), that I also had a more feminine and sensual side to my nature.  And when that feminine and sensual woman within saw her opportunity to reveal herself to me (at a Heart Intelligence Retreat in the UK), she exploded into my life and gave me so much joy and a new spirit of life after I’d become widowed that my life was transformed!

So what am I on about?  We’re born with a natural inner ‘feminine essence and energy’ as babies – however our upbringing may have taught us to become tomboys, or not to allow ourselves to feel like that pretty little girl who was daddy’s princess.  We may have been horribly abused or neglected, and learned to distrust the masculine of the species.  On the other hand, we may have learned that the only way forward was to ‘prostitute’ our sex, either physically or metaphorically.  And many of us learned that it wasn’t safe to feel or experiment with our own sexuality or sensuality…. so we grew up as best we could, fell in and out of love, had children and often ended up on our own as both mum and dad to our kids.  This has meant that many of us have become very ‘masculinised’ in our society – which after all, pays more money to men – no wonder we need equality.

However the other revelation was to realise that equality does not necessarily mean equal roles in society.  Equal opportunities/ equal pay/ equality in the workplace are absolutely vital for women – however in the struggle we can be left feeling alone/ depleted/ even burned out as we continue to push, push, push to get everything done in our lives – no wonder we often long for that mate to love and support us!

But we all also know that happily ever after happens mostly in story books!  So how can understanding and embracing our inner feminine help?  Perhaps to be able to see her in action can assist greatly:  Do you recognize these traits in yourself?  The feminine is:

soft/  attractive/  receptive/  she feels/ is intuitive/ nurtures/ life flows more/ she is creative/ spontaneous/ collaborative/ trusting/ and surrendered.

She waits sometimes for life to come to her – the feminine has a natural magnetic quality which can draw opportunities and people to her, as she learns to accept. 

Her sense of worthiness increases as life flows more to her as she takes these opportunities. She is less stressed about ‘having to do it all’. Her mantra ceases to be ‘if it’s to be it’s up to me’ and as a result, she achieves more with less, because she allows others to help (without feeling dependent).

The feminine is indeed powerful!

If you would like to know how to tap into this more natural side of you, there will be ample opportunities this year.  You can check these out at:

Continue Reading THE FEMININE FOCUS: What Difference does the Feminine Make

Waking up to Ego


Are you a woman in mid-life or above who’s ‘fed up’ with Covid 19?  Or are you still very much in the middle of all the implications this has thrown at you, both as a society and at you as an individual?

Have you been forced to re-examine your priorities?  Even the quality of your relationships?  What about the KEY one, with your partner?  There are many women who’ve needed to tread the thin line between longing for his practical, supportive love, and wanting to ‘nail his butt to the mast’ for refusing to step up!  A female comic once said the tension between these two priorities was a great definition of stress!

Yes – Covid has affected me, along with all those in my age range of ’70 something’, in my capacity to get out there but avoid crowds – thank God for my supportive girlfriends!  And of course in my own case I have also been focusing on completing my book: ‘How to be a Widow: Powerful Transformation through the Cocoon of Grief’ whilst I healed from the out of left field devastating fall I experienced almost 12 months ago in Bali, which necessitated hospitalization in that country and a hip replacement.

And to be honest, not only was I healing physically from this trauma (including learning how to do something as basic as walking again), but also healing emotionally and spiritually, as my confidence got ‘knocked for 6’.  I went to Bali 12 months ago feeling like a ‘bad ass goddess’ – but returned feeling initially like a little old lady with white hair and a cane, who was pretty useless to Society at the time. Those of you who know me will realise this was NOT that energized, feminine, sassy woman who wanted to get her work out globally!

As a result I needed to sit initially in that uncomfortable place where I had no idea why this had happened, or what to do in the future.  Have you ever experienced this?  Sometimes we need to seek in earnest (which was my predicament), but sometimes it can be so painful we just want to ‘distract ourselves and run away’ – bury our head in the sand, decide that we don’t need a decision just yet, etc.  Are you familiar with this?  I sure was!

So I sat in that Rehab hospital in Brighton and reflected, meditated and journalled (a powerful trinity of intentions) – until it occurred to me I could complete the book I had commenced 8 years before on my incredible journey through that ‘cocoon of grief’.  And 2 weeks later it was revealed to me that I could also become a speaker based on the fact that I would be a published author – great I said to myself – that’s one for the books!  But at heart it was my ego picking up that I could still be worth something after all these months of feeling incompetent, foolish, and at rock bottom….

And it stayed that way for several months as I worked my way through this creative writing period, aided by my amazing Book Writing Coach Jennifer Lancaster from Business Author Academy.  However under her tutelage and with increasing zest for the way the book was developing, a change developed in my mindset. It was subtle but profound – because I began realising that this book really could positively impact the lives of even hundreds of widows around the English speaking world in coping with their own profound loss of love and subsequent grief.  There could be light at the end of that dark tunnel, that cocoon that wanted to wrap itself around them where nothing made sense anymore – but transformation was beginning to happen internally, often without them understanding this!  And as my heart became more compassionate and I began to feel the desire to simply serve other women in this situation, ego woke up to the fact that it was not about me but about the lives of all those that this book would touch – and stepped aside.  And I am so grateful that I had this opportunity.

It really was ‘the fall that changed it all’ for me!

What about you?  Is there something unforeseen, seemingly negative and completely out of left field that has happened to you in these past 12 months?  And of course Covid 19 may have contributed to this?  Are you still feeling like a victim that something so devastating has happened to you? How do you cope with these completely unexpected, unforeseen, uninvited and unwelcome events?  I trust that you allow your feelings some kind of sway?  Because you don’t need the patience of a saint my friends!  Emotion is e-motion, energy in motion, which needs to move through you so that you can move on!  If you continue with more of a negative mindset, you are in danger of suppressing these feelings deep into your psyche, and bottled up feelings can contribute to enormous stress in your body, resulting in dis-ease.  So let it out – you don’t need to give yourself a ‘spiritual bypass’ so you don’t feel the anger, ambivalence or anxiety that may come up for you!  But once these are recognized and expressed, you can move on to explore more of the options that life may now be providing for you!

Be very kind to yourself my friends – we are in this together, so trust this process and work in with any ego which may arise to help you to move into the service of your soul agenda!

Beverley Rilatt-Richardson, 6th Oct 2020


Continue Reading Waking up to Ego

The 5 Assumptions that Strong, Independent Women make in relation to Attracting the Masculine 😊

If I asked you to put your hand up if you feel you’re a strong & independent woman – would you shoot that hand right up?  Me too!  And if I asked you to keep it up if you’re proudly strong and independent, would you keep it up?  Yep, me too! 😊

Have you ever wondered however if you might be paying a ‘high price’ price for your independence?  Now what do I mean by that?  Well – put it this way – If a guy offers to open a door for you – or offers to carry something if you seem to be struggling – do you say ‘Wow – thanks?’  Or do you glare at him and ask him if he thinks you look helpless or something?!

­ And aaaaaagh – even worse girls – is if you think you might look NEEDY to him?  Hands up those who hate the thought that someone else might think they’re a needy woman?  Yep – me too!  Even if we are dateless – we don’t want anyone to think we’re dateless and desperate!!  So we wear masks sometimes to hide the fact that we may be lonely – or hurting…

So – back to our topic – 5 ASSUMPTIONS that we as strong independent women make in relation to attracting the masculine:


ASSUMPTION 1 is that we don’t want him to ASSUME we are needy, or lonely, or desperate – so instead what do we do? We make ourselves so damned independent that he often can’t see if we’re actually interested in him, or where on earth he would fit into our lives! 

  • Have any of you had this experience? That you wanted to catch his eye – but you were so afraid of him thinking you were some kind of needy woman – you know – high maintenance – that you looked the other way instead? 
  • So the first thing we need to learn from such an experience – is that FEAR can generate SABOTAGE within us! So simply become aware of your thinking processes!  If you encourage him by flirtatious glances, just assume instead that this is all the encouragement he needs to head your way to talk to you – because–that’s the signal he needs to act for both of you!    

The best way not to assume that he’s thinking of you negatively is to appreciate his masculinity – the fact that men are the protectors, the providers, they do the grunt work, they make amazing fathers, they take the initiative – and that includes approaching you for a date!  😊

This is sooooooo important lovelies – because conversely if you make it too easy for a guy (because you may be smitten with him and think you have to give him what he wants to keep him) and he doesn’t need to PURSUE you – then he will often have a hard time MAINTAINING your relationship.  You will end up having to do a lot of the emotional work, the organization etc – and could end up wearing the pants, while he swans around as the weaker man he actually is!

ASSUMPTION 2? Who’s had the experience of wanting to talk things over with a guy as though he’s your girlfriend?  And he keeps interrupting or giving advice – and sending you batty?

Hands up!  Yep – me too!  I hate to break it to you lovelies – but a GUY is simply NOT ‘a girlfriend without boobs’!  Guys are different from us  – they process life differently…. Men THINK with their minds and logic, and ACT on this – they may even be deep thinkers – ponderers of life – but as for us?  We FEEL with our hearts, and our emotions, as well as think with our minds….

And it’s a guy thing – they want to FIND SOLUTIONS – they love to have a problem put to them that they can fix in some way – find a resolution!  Which is fabulous when you think about it….. That’s their gift to us – to fix things/ to find solutions/ to work out ways around etc……

But do we always appreciate this?  NOOOOO!  When we talk with a girlfriend, we both know we’re not looking for a solution – we’re looking for a sounding board to bounce our ideas off, so we come up with a solution ourselves!  But not guys – they speak with another bloke to work out a solution to a problem.  So when we speak with them as a girlfriend sounding board – they do NOT understand this – so end up wanting to find a solution to help us, because they love us.  However we’re usually one step ahead and have already thought of all those things, but have ticked them off our list as not workable!  So that’s why they keep interrupting, and we think they’re not listening!  And they get frustrated because they think we’re not listening to their suggestions!

So NEVER assume your guy – or the one you want to attract – is like a substitute girlfriend – if he aint got boobs – this won’t work!  What will work is that you tell him beforehand you want a sounding board only – that he does NOT need to come up with ANY solution whatsoever – because you’ll work it out as long as you can hear yourself setting out the problem!  That way he can relax and actually LISTEN to you, without worrying that he can’t find something brilliant to help you with!  So if you’re not treating him as a girlfriend – then allow him to shine at being a bloke – being that guy you respect, and allow him to step up into the masculine role in your relationship – to organize date nights for you etc 

And ASSUMPTION 3? Have you ever found that you sensed something was wrong, so he should TALK to you?  Hands up?  Yep, me too – have you often thought – what’s wrong with him?  Or what’s wrong with me – or our relationship?  Because he won’t talk to me!!! And he won’t share his feelings?   Put up both hands if this is something that really FRUSTRATES the hell out of you? 

Well I have some good news and some bad news lovelies…. The bad news is that he probably WONT talk to you that much – not overly much anyway – because men process problems so differently – when we have a problem we want to TALK about it – get something off our chest – get our feelings out into the open. However guys are, well DIFFERENT.  They want to go into their caves – their sheds – or veg out in front of the TV if they don’t have a physical place to go to, or get on their bike and hike around the block – or take the dog for a walk – anything to be on their own so they can think this thing through…. and if you asked them how they felt?  Mmmmmm – hunt a feeling – what am I feeling?!  It’s usually only after they’ve thought something through that they can then talk it over with you…. That’s the bad news – but the good news?  You no longer need to hassle them to talk to you/ or nag them into submission!  So what can you do?  You’ll need to share ahead that you want to talk with them about  – you can even suggest what this is & negotiate a time – but first be aware he needs time himself to process this issue first, before you jump in, boots and all!

So – you’ve given him time/ you’ve set up a time/ and then what?  Do the only thing you can have control of – and that’s yourself and your own authentic feelings and reactions to what’s happening for you.  And be yourself – don’t think you have to ‘spare his feelings’ – don’t allow anything to become the elephant in the room you can’t talk about… even though you might be ‘shit scared’…. because if we are going to be fearful about anything, it’s about driving him away and being on our own.  So many women put up with ‘the devil they know’, rather than be on their own….. So – how is your own sense of worth about what you deserve in life?

 So the good news is – appreciate the differences between the way men and women process life, love and communication – and release a lot of the angst! 

ASSUMPTION 4? Have you ever encountered the situation where you found yourself nagging that he hadn’t done something you reasonably asked him to do – and you were so mad you did it yourself?  Time for confession – hands up!!  Yep, me too! 

So what’s wrong with that – isn’t that a practical solution?  Yep!  But do you think he’s going to do it the next time, if you did it this time?  Nope! Sometimes we simply need to CLARIFY what our roles are – who does what – and then put boundaries around this that they will probably test to see if you mean this!  And stick to your guns.  Because otherwise we can let them get away with stuff and they become lazy and then we disrespect them – is that what you want?  Or we allow them to act like kids and start treating them like that – not the masculine partner we really want to step up into our lives!  Don’t put up with crap girls!  You may have to call his bluff – but encourage him to step up into the masculine role in your relationship.  You need his loving attention – you need to know that whatever his job or profession – and no matter how much he loves it or is passionate about this – that you are still the number 1 person in his life that he loves, cherishes and cares for!  

And men crave our respect and appreciation – which of course we can give if he’s giving us that loving attention, including his time!  So it’s not actually the jobs themselves, as important as they are in a practical sense – it’s what they represent – which is him stepping up as the man in your relationship….

So how can you encourage more of this behavior in him?  By having clear boundaries and not doing his job for him!  And by moving more into your being role, not your doing – in terms of your relationship! Men do the doing/ women do the being… Men do things/ they fix things/ they initiate things/ they complete things/ they love things – their toys etc!  We women by contrast (when we don’t need to use our masculine energies to run our businesses etc),  love the being stuff – being love/ being beautiful/ being caring/ being a mum/ being girly/ being flirtatious/ being sexy…. The more you can move into your feminine heart and body – the more you’ll encourage him to step up into being that man you want to love and cherish you!

And ASSUMPTION 5?  That all men are only after one thing – and so we women tend to want to move them quickly into being friends…..

So – hands up – be truthful – if you think that all men are only after one thing – sex?  Yep – they possibly are!  However you can use that wonderful feminine intuition we all have – which may have been dimmed or we’ve not been aware of for a while – but you can tune into this – to sense and pick up the signals if a man is actually literally only after sex – i.e. your body and what it can do for him, to help his ego, or make him feel like a man again if he hasn’t been able to get it up for a while – or keep it up!   Regrettably there are such men around – younger ones who’ve been spoiled in life and think they are god’s gift to women – or older ones who are not well or have lived a life that has been so disrespectful to their own bodies that karma is setting in and they can’t get or maintain an erection… and that makes them feel less than a man – so they are desperate for their self image and ego to  have sex again – almost any woman would do.  If you only want what a colleague of mine calls ‘recreational sex’ – then you won’t care because you’ll be using his body in the same way.  However if you want to attract a quality partner and a loving relationship, you’ll need that intuition to weed out those who are unsuitable or may just break your heart – because it may be sexual attraction only that you feel!  There’s nothing wrong with that!  I fell in love myself last year – and it’s an incredible high!  However to maintain a relationship longer term you need mutual respect, love, tenderness, and you need sexual polarity;  Huh?  Sexual what? Is that a new position? LOL 😊

OK – hands up again – who’s heard of sexual polarity?  I’m curious!   It’s the difference between men and women – it’s the sexual spark that lights up the ‘rom com’ movies we love to watch! It’s all about Opposites Attract – as in positive and receptive poles (like electro-magnetic energy) – that’s polarity!  A man in his masculine essence and presence – and proudly aware of this – and comfortable and confident in himself and in his own sexuality – that’s the positive, directive, action seeking pole – seeking a woman – who’s attracting him via her receptive pole in her feminine essence and energy and sensuality – and the sexual sparks fly!  They are so attracted / drawn to each other.  And girls if you weren’t already aware of this – feminine essence, sensuality and energy is magnetic to the men – they crave the feminine and sensual in women…. there’s something about the wave she moves – not thinks or talks or acts…..  And when a woman is in her feminine she feels so much more at home…. and is able to move into such delicious activities as slow, rhythmic, sensual dance….So the assumption we make is that because men are only after one thing, then we shouldn’t be easy targets – so we should encourage them to be friends…. and there’s nothing greater than a guy who’s a good friend – but if he’s just a good friend – you will find it difficult to become lovers…. because if you move into the friend or room mate zone – it becomes increasingly difficult to think or act as lovers – because by now you realise that if you do so then you might also have a lovers tiff and break up – and you’ll lose a good friend – is it worth the risk?  So in many cases you need act on your intuition to weed out the wanna-be’s – and encourage the decent men to step up into your life – and into your heart, your home, your bedroom, your body… Life’s a risk and if we’ve closed down our hearts because we got hurt before – we can close down a lot of joy in our lives….

Time for Self-Reflection:

Assumption 1:  Assuming if you give him encouragement he’ll think you are ‘needy’/ or dateless & desperate         

Assumption 2: A guy is not a ‘girlfriend without boobs’ – let him know he doesn’t need to find a solution when you chew the cud!                 

Assumption 3: Appreciate he will process Life & communication differently – give him time to consider something first before discussion    

Assumption 4: That he doesn’t need to be accountable for something he promised – because you’ll step into the breach instead – but then need to continue!            

Assumption 5: Men are all after only one thing! Appreciate his need but set your boundaries in place – and encourage passionate polarity between you!                      

And It’s all about appreciating his masculinity….. so what CAN we do instead of assuming? 

We can be our authentic, feminine selves – and they will start approaching us and revealing themselves to us so we no longer need to assume!

If you have any comments – please leave below my friends!  Or contact me for a ‘Break Thru’ Clarity Session 😊

Beverley RilattRichardson

Continue Reading The 5 Assumptions that Strong, Independent Women make in relation to Attracting the Masculine 😊