You want to be seen and heard with your passion, your business? You can’t wait to make a difference in this world?
And you definitely need to be really seen and heard by your partner – which regrettably doesn’t always happen? In fact he may keep telling you that you always need to have the last word! Is that a familiar conversation?? It was for me for many years, until I was ‘captured by the feminine’ as mentioned in my last blog (Everything old is New Again) – and realized why!
And if you’re in midlife, considering looking for love again, you definitely need to be both seen and heard, in order then to be hopefully understood!
So what’s going on? Why do I sometimes feel ambivalent about being out there? Yes – even me at times if I’m not feeling well, or that I don’t have my act together that day?! Many women can not only relate to this, but also feel in two minds about having other people’s attention on them! And yet they still KNOW that they need to be out there…..
For many women this is so familiar – ambivalence about having the attention on them… I do – but then again sometimes I don’t want this!
So how do we deal with this? Push ahead – feel the fear and do it anyway? YES, if that works for you, at least initially? But will you come to dread those times you need to push? Only you can answer that one… Can we compromise? Yes of course – but we may then be seen as being inconsistent – mmmm… what to do?
Would becoming aware of these feelings help? Yes, undoubtedly, because becoming conscious of something is half the battle to dealing with it! So next time you find yourself procrastinating about doing something – speaking to someone/ doing a FB live/ putting out a post inviting others to respond to a particular topic/ going out to a mixed event with a girlfriend or (put in your particular topic you procrastinate about), simply ask yourself if it’s this ambivalence rearing its ugly head? Or do you at heart not feel you know enough about this topic? That was one of mine! But then again, even though we may tell ourselves this, then psychologically it might not actually be the real reason – which unconsciously could simply be that we do NOT want the attention on ourselves! If this is not even recognized as such, then our minds will come up with some other excuse. Of course it might be both! Because if I really don’t feel I know enough, and I’m trying to ‘fake it till I make it’, that’s even one more reason I don’t need the attention on me! It’s really a bit of a sledge-hammer….
OK – you recognize this is what may be happening for you? So what can you do about this? What do you normally do? Are there strategies you already use to help you to make it through? For those who may be following this and recognizing this ambivalence, there is somewhere you can start, very simply. But remember it’s only a start, a beginning, with a longer journey ahead…. However I’ll be blogging about this, and other related topics each week, so strap yourself in and enjoy the ride! 😊
- The first step is to recognize if you have this ambivalence? If you’ve ticked this then congrats, at least you are now aware which is a great start!
- Secondly, part of addressing this ambivalence is to feel more confident – make sense? And one of the easiest ways is to simply get grounded. Once you feel grounded, it simply feels easier to tackle things. Your head is not looping around with all these negative thoughts of insecurity or ‘not enoughness’, or ‘but what if x or y’ happened?
- Thirdly this helps us to realise another gigantic insight – just because something happened in the past, it does NOT need to happen in the future – it is NOT a self-fulfilling prophecy! It is only as we remember the facts of what happened in the past, plus the feelings and emotions related to these facts, that we can then so easily project these into the future – oh I know what’s going to happen if I try to do that – looked what happened before! If we can reject that concept as being simply a way to sabotage ourselves, then we can stand up to any of these thoughts and feelings arising, especially if they seem to do so automatically…
- And fourthly, we can reimagine the future! If we reject that something is going to happen automatically, then we open ourselves to reimagining how it could be in the future, if we could have any outcome we wanted?
- OK – convinced? Then let’s get grounded!
- Stand with your feet shoulder width apart, knees NOT locked. Feel the weight in your legs and feet – OK. Simply become aware of this.
- Place your thumbs over your belly button, and hands together on your body, which will automatically form a heart over your ‘power centre’ – which for a woman is her uterus.
- Then place your attention on that space within your body, and towards the back, and simply rest your attention there.
- Then become conscious again of your legs and feet – do they feel heavy and connected to the floor or if you are outdoors, to the ground? Fabulous!
- You are now grounded. Keep your attention there in your ‘power centre’ towards the back of you body for as long as you can…. And then consider the challenge you have to get out there, or whatever action you have had ambivalence about in the past? You will be amazed at how having the attention on you no longer feels such a burden!
May you enjoy being grounded, which you can do as often as you find this helpful?